where does the time go
So much of my anxiety centers around the concept of time.
Running out of time. Missing it. Wasting time. Being late. The first time. The Last Time.
I hone in on all the people around me asking as they watch babies grow and leaves fall and friends pass away and cats die and memories fade:
Where does the time go? They as themselves. We ask each other.
It was a rhetorical question. I’m a literal person.
I started looking. I found it. Everywhere.
The time is poured into cups of coffee just to be reheated in the microwave.
It sits between us when we meet for tea. Boil the kettle. Boil again. Drink more tea. Spend more time.
We pour it into glasses of wine that turn into bottles of wine and hours of red-toothed laughter.
The time slips into the crack between the bed and the wall while we read hours of goodnight stories.
It's baked into Christmas lasagne and Happy Birthday cake and I’m Sorry for Your Loss casserole.
The time is blown into balloons for celebrations and onto dandelions for wishes.
Time is woven into the mending of their favorite pants and ticks away in the darkened theater during a dance recital.
We gaze it into the eyes of loved ones here with us now and stars that died a long time ago.
We send the time via text. 'Running late.' 'I miss you.' 'Remember when?' '<GIF of startled pug>' . Consequential emojis 🪵
It's braided into hair and washed into our clothes and disappears into the place where the other sock is.
Time is woven into the mending of their favorite pants and ticks away in the darkened theater during a dance recital.
We gaze it into the eyes of loved ones here with us now and stars that died a long time ago.
We send the time via text. 'Running late.' 'I miss you.' 'Remember when?' '<GIF of startled pug>' . Consequential emojis 🪵
Time is spent searching 'squirrel in the house' on YouTube with my girls in the afternoon. Spent Googling 'what do my symptoms mean' alone at 3am.
The time goes down our cheeks with tears as we laugh too hard and cry too hard and feel so much.
So much. So fast.
I keep looking. I find it. Everywhere.